I have not had a chance or been energized enough to blog this weekend. Okay, so when I said it was goin’ down on Friday night (Brown Suga Friday) it went down. We had a ball! WE had some drinks…danced….laugh and had a marvelous time.
So on Saturday I could barely walk…I had danced so much my legs didn’t know what to do with themselves. So guess what? Friday coming is ROUND 2!!! I am so excited I don’t know what to do.
I will keep you all posted!
Holla!!!
So okay – I will admit that I was in a pissy bad mood the other day when I went to Food Lion. I was my cell talking to HoneyBee and I see this truck with the reverse lights on. So I think I have enough time to pass *and I did* and this fool waves at me to hurry and walk by. So I am walking but, my keys drop right out of my hand *happens often in movies* and hits the ground. So of course I know stupido saw me bend down to get my dayum keys. Well his stupid azz proceeds to come back while I am trying to retrieve my keys.. so I say, “Aey! Don’t you see me?” and he gives me this wack azz smirk like whatever ladi. So I start to walk *over course slowly because I am pissed about my near death experience j/k* So I pass the truck and he rolls down the window and I am like. “WHAT!!, Stupid non-drivin folks around here!” and this idiot laughs @ me. I wanted to deck’em.. so word to the wise – if you drop something in a parking lot or have to pass a car – PLEASE make sure there are no idiots around that just don’t care if they he someone or not.
Me &
Me: Well, I know that I was calling for you
Me: Okay that’s fine (I’m thinking – your loss!)
So I dropped the issue I was not goin to chase him down and begggggg him to talk to me or be my friend. Real is real – I felt that way and oh, well! Everything you do everyone is not going to like. Point à blank!
That day he texted:
Me: If that’s what you wanna do that’s fine with me. I thought I knew you better then that. I must have been a fool to have my children call you uncle and you acting like this. Best wishes to you.
Meanwhile, he is still constantly speaking with my husband, Mr. B and all of that.
So yesterday, I am laying on the couch and my Blackberry buzzes – so I look at the screen and I have a text from
Text reads: Ms. Brown (? I’m married – was he tryin to be funny?) Ms. Brown, I am over everything. I feel that if you felt that I was so disrespectful to u and your kid(???) u should have checked me at that time. So if we ever get together I will not say anything to your child I will ask his mom or dad to take care of it. And I will be very careful with my words I say to you. What ever the out come of this I’m cool with.
My response: Like Anthony Hamilton says if you’re cool then I’m cool then were cool. 1.
Okay – I need to get some things off my chest. At first when I started this blog I was not sure how much of my life I wanted to reveal but, now I am just going to use my blog as a way to express how I feel, vent and talk about lifes success, trails and tribulations. So here we go…
Where do I start?
Okay, so lately there has been drama and I am totally about to lose it. First, Mr. B and I aren’t doing that well, Me and St. Louis aren’t friends anymore and I think that my feelings are all screwed up when it comes to other associates in my life. I will discuss one thing at a time:
MR.B & I – We have been married for coming up 9 years this June 09. We wed very early. Let me start off by saying that I love Mr. B but, I have noticed that for the time that we have been together that I have constantly been putting everyone else in front of myself. So now I have decided to make myself top priority (not leaving the kids out) but, “DOING ME!” and he can’t stand that. At times he can be very controlling and demanding and I feel like he treats me like a child. Well, I will not have it anymore – so I told him that I thought we should go our separate ways …… *silence* he thought I was kidding. I shared with him that I would hate for it to have to end up that way but, I have been sharing my concerns about our relationship for a long time and he has not even attempted to address the issue with me. I told him that there are things that I expect to receive out of our marriage and relationship…and I was not getting them.
Well, he was really upset that this was my choice for us to separate and that we should try counseling of something. So me being me - I say sure – we can try so at least I can say that I have truly done everything to help save my marriage. He previously asked If I was cheating on him and the answer is no BUT, that is not the reason we are having issues anyway. It is us – we are growing apart. I want to go out and do things and he is a home body. That is so boring…sitting at home all the time. So as of now we are working on getting counseling and I must say if it doesn’t work that we may have to go our separate ways. I hate to have to do that - especially for the children sake.
Stole this from Mizz LuvinYounow - I follow frequent her blog - thanks gyrl :)
1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
Loving me first
2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
NO - NO and No. I wanted to lose weight and go to the gym more - did it happen - maybe a little weight loss - but gym - i can count that on one hand...sad - i know
Yes I will make more for 2009
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Myself & my friend
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Nope! Praise the lord for that one
5. What countries did you visit?
None. I wish i could maybe in 2009
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
I would like to have peace. You know sometime - you just have so much crap going on that you just forget to be peaceful. I want to enjoy each day, each flower, each friend. I also really, really want to keep in touch with those that are important to me and they may not know it because I am oH! so busy to call, email and write.
7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
July 7th. The day I started my federal job. I had been praying and praying and applying and applying - one time I can so close as to have a start date and
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Again achieving my goal of federal appointment. A career. Retirement. Future.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Is not sticking to my guns. I always start things and have a had time finishing.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Well, besides my near death experience while in childbirth I have to say no.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Ummmm....my Blackberry
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Hmmmm... nobody I know.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled?
I would have to say someone I thought was a friend - Darrell - I reference him as
14. Where did most of your money go?
DAYCARE. housing and other bills.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I really got excited about my new baby boy. Micah - he is truly a godsend as is the others.
16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Just Fine by Mary J. Blige.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
- i. happier or sadder? happier.
- ii. thinner or fatter? fatter :-)
- iii. richer or poorer? richer.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
travel and stay in touch with my TRUE friends.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Stress out and worry.
20. Did you fall in love in 2008?
Yes! With my son Micah ( I am already in love with the other two)
21. How many one-night stands?
Zero.
22. What was your favorite TV program?
Greys Anatomy, ER, Private Practice and medical shows... wish I was a doctor.
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I don't hate anyone. There are those that i dislike ALOT.
24. What was the best book you read?
Can't remember - so many.
25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
No new discovery.
26. What did you want and get?
A MP3 player - I really want a IPOD - maybe in 2009.
27. What did you want and not get?
A VACATION
28. What were your favorite films of this year?
The family that preys
Seven Pounds
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
27 - went to dinner with my husband, twin and brother in law. We went to Cheddars.
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Affection - I have to say I am some what needy - A hug, kiss, back rub...
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Boots, jeans all the latest crave for plus size women.
32. What kept you sane?
Friends that listen to me vent.
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Usher - Trading Places - MY GOD.
34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Obama! Mt president is black.
35. Whom did you miss?
I missed our friend
36. Who was the best new person(s) you met?
Too many too name. Natasha so sweet. Kim - opened my eyes to love me more and how to see the big picture...she’s so real. My girls:)
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
I learned that if you don’t care about yourself no one else will.
I also learned that in order for you to care for others you have to care for yourself FIRST. Because then there will be know one to care for you.
I learned that if people are important to you - tell them. If you love them -tell them! Call those you miss. Text them and most importantly STAY IN TOUCH WITH THOSE THAT YOU CARE ABOUT. No one is promised tomorrow.
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Artist: Tamia
Song: Me
And her name is me
And she loves me more than you’ll ever know
And I finally see that loving you and loving me
Just don’t seem to work at all
So Patiently, she’s waiting on me
To tell you that she needs love
And to choose between you two
Boy, you know if I have to choose, I choose me.
So I was absolutely exhausted this morning when I got off work. I left one hour early because I could barely keep my eyes open to complete any work. I have coverage so it was all good. So I get home and of course the first thing I have too do is clean up right? My kids are asking me to cook breakfast for them…baby is in the room crying – he’s hungry. I open my bedroom door and there is Mr. B wrapped in blankets like he’s in a freakin’ snow storm! I am like HELLO!! I just got off work – you think I could get a hand…well he gives me one alright makes the baby a bottle, gives it too him and then he goes back to bed. I’m like REALLY? So I continue to press on… I just couldn’t do anymore. I get cleaned up before bed because I work in a hospital. Then I go to sleep and I am out like a light!!!
Now before I went to bed I told Mr. B that we had to celebrate our middle sons birthday today – ( I just don’t do birthday parties in the middle of the week) his birthday was on Wednesday. So he said okay and forgot to wake me up. So I had to text everyone and tell them change of plans. We decided to go to Chuck E. Cheese. We arrive there around 4:30 p.m. and it was THE WORST IDEA of the day!!!
There was at least and I mean at least 300 people in that place and 200 of them were kids. I think we were in there for about 10 minutes before I was like KIDS – let’s go! We when to Chick-fil-a and ate there. The kids played and played and we talked and everyone enjoyed themselves.
Doing me in 2009 – what does that mean.
Well, for some long time – exactly for the last 8 years I have always managed to always but others in front of myself. I have learned that if you don’t love you then how can you expect anyone else to….the same as if you don’t respect yourself no one else will. Life is so short, people come and go everyday but, I know that before I close my eyes for the very last time I want to know that I have done some of the things that I have planned for my life.
Now I am not sure if I ever mentioned but I got married very, very young. Looking back I didn’t even know what marriage was, the responsibilities of a wife and mother for a 19 year old herself is the road I chose to go down. I was in love – I put mu husband before myself and although I love him. I love myself as well. I had to sit back and revamp and evaluate what I was doing to myself. My treatment towards me was self destructive. I did not take care of my mind, body or soul.
But now in 2009 I know that change is inevitable. It will happen.. I plan to pursue my plus size modeling, taking better care of myself, and put me first.
That’s that…..candi out
Okay so I really have been slippin’ on this blogging stuff. So this will be a random update on the end of 08 to present of 09.
I have been so upside down with this blogging because I have been working the midnight shift from Oct 2008 to Feb 2009. I am officially off of this crazy ass schedule effective 2/1/09. I am soooo happy because now I can get back to my life. The down fall about working night shift is that you sleep all day and up all night. Your family thinks that your abandoning them for work. Here I am – wanting to work this shift because a.) it pays more money and b.) less drama at work – day shift is bananas its one thing after another.
I know that Mr.B will be excited because me working this shift has because some distance between the two of us…a messy house @ times…
So at the end of 2008 I was really sitting down and thinking to myself, “What have I accomplished this year? Did I reach any of my goals? My answer to this question were very pleasing. I had accomplished several things throughout the course of 2008. I was selected for my federal position. I started working for the Dept of Veterans Affairs in July. I have a new baby boy to add to my family. We have reached yet another year of marriage – 8 years total. I have my own as Jamie Foxx would say but, of course it’s a family thing so we all have it but, I am really doing well.
So I am wondering what 2009 has in store for me…… coming next entry – Doing me in ’09!
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